Disappointment is lame

Do you ever just feel extreme disappointment? I feel like by its nature it comes at you from no where, knocking the wind out of you. It is like death to excitement and the hope that you had. I hate it man! It seems so unfair sometimes. You have something planned forever and then BOOM like lightning...its gone...toasted. I feel so frustrated at this moment that I want to punch someone in the uterus or something...dang..well, I guess the only thing that one can do is take a deep breath, pray, put on their big girl panties and deal...

so here I go

omoni

So, I don't know what it is about a strong mother that just makes me so happy. I had to interview my friends mother for a class. Her children have seen a Speech Language Pathologist and I had to speak with her about her experiences with that. She amazed me. She as many children, some not her own, and some of them have disabilities. I hestiate to say that word, because it comes with alot of negative connotation, but 4 of her children, had some phonological or language delays. She was so lovely, and so strong. She loves her kids, no matter what, no matter what people said. I have so much respect for her because of that. She is such a trooper. And i only spent 40 mins with her. man, i just hope that i can be a good mother, a mother like my mother...because she is so lovely....
I hope that no matter what trial comes, i will always stick up for my kids, and let them know they are so incredibly special...

here's to hoping...

Yay for reprieve

So last night i got to do nothing and it was AMAZING!!! i came home, napped, had dinner with a friend, went home, chilled, and another friend came over and we watched DOG the bounty hunter...yeah...don't JUDGE!!!! It was sooo nice, especially after going and going and going for the past 10 days. I look forward to a few days of reprieve where all i must do is read, and stuff. that sounds lovely. Yay Yay yay.

The beauty of a breakdown

So, do you ever have one of those days, where nothing particularly bad happens to you. No one says, "you look tired today", no one fights with you, there are no familial tradgedies but for some reason you are just having a bad day. You feel super stressed and like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. It's like no matter how much the world is trying to cheer you up, it just wont happen, your heart wont allow it? Well, i had one of those days yesterday. I felt overwhelmed with my crazy crazy amounts of school work, and regular work, and all the other little commitments that i feel are necessary. I feel like the chubby kid after going to the buffet line for the first time, like my plate is just LOADED, FILLED TO THE BRIM...with mashed potatos and gravy ooozing over the side and meandering slowly down my arm. On top of that all of my friends that i genuinely want to spend time with...are so busy and i am so busy that i can't seem to find time for them, and on top of that for myself. it is rediculously lame. On top of that my special little friend came to visit a few days early and that was like the straw that broke the camel's back for me... So what did i do? I called my Jenna. and was like HELP! I need you and fattening foods STAT! so she came running like all good friends would, and we drove to sonic. And there in the stall, she was honest with me and i broke down. Balled my little eyes out, freaked...it wasn't pretty. I cried about feeling overwhelmed and feeling lost and lonely. and she listened and didn't candy coat things for me, she told me the truth and for that i am thankful. And actually, just having someone there for me to listen to my rantings and ravings, did so much. And the crying, lord the crying, seemed to really cleanse my spirit. but most importantly, i had to get back to the basics, my underlying motivations for everything. Why am I in school? why am i trying so hard? why am i going to church? why am i dedicated to helping out and having fellowship with my fellow believers? And it helped. I prayed and cried some more, and looked like a mess, with black tears, red nose, and snot galore, Jenna left me and i set off home to once again tackle the mound of homework that seems to always be looming before me. But it is amazing how much better my attitude was. It could have been, the release from crying, or the midol that i took to take the curb of my raging hormones, but i think it was the selfless love of a friend, and the awe inspiring love of the One that has saved me. The one that always loves me despite my constant faltering. So here is to you Lord, and to you Jenna. (and a small little shout out to sonic...)

kimchi kimchi kimchi

So i went to Korean Church with my friend Dustin and his girlfriend Angela, for this anthropology project and i am sooo happy! man koreans just rock. Like hands down they are the best asians for sure. Everyone was so lovely and awesome. Angela was so lovely, and i got to meet her family, and just more awesome koreans. The best part tho i think by far, was the Korean food afterwards. I don't know what it is called but it tasted like HEAVEN!!! and this lady came over and told me i was eating it wrong and helped me mix it so it was just right. awwwwwesome! To all the koreans out there...um... YOU ROCK THIS WHITE GIRLS SOCKS!!!

death to the loud people

So right now i am at starbucks surrounded by loudness and i want to shank someone no lie. why is it when you are trying to be studious that people have to be as loud as humanly possible! VACATE! LEAVE!! CALM THE F DOWN!!! dang! what happened to inside voices? RUDE! RAR

Follow the yellow brick road

why is it that when you are so dedicated to making a change in your life, that you so quickly stumble? It's kinda like crack, or those lame teamwork seminars where you have this initial high and you're like "YEAH!! LETS DO IT!!" and you think it will be all fairies and butterflies and joyfulness...and it is for awhile. Momentary bliss, nothing can get you down. And then BOOM! you hit a wall and you begin to question yourself and what you set out to do in the first place. I hate that. I don't know why i lie to myself, and just expect everything to fall into place. I mean, that is definitely the dreams of an idealist. (which i am, I'll admit it) but dang. Maybe i worry too much, and maybe i have a tendency to over analyze but still. It seems like things aren't really going according to my perfect little plan. And maybe that is my exact problem. I am trying to control my life, which is IMPOSSIBLE!!! I am getting upset because life isn't going according to my perfect little fairy tale. I want to live out God's plan for my life. I know that might sound corny or just lame but to tell you the truth i don't care because i know it's right. I know that God's plan for my life far exceeds any other plan i might have. And maybe in the end, the world might not see anything to be lusted after or yearned after, but i know that in God's kingdom i will have done something amazing. So, i don't know, this is turning into rambling, but it is really helping my thoughts fall into some semblance of order. I just hope that i can stay on the path He has for me, and not wander...it's so hard not to wander...